“Is it a norm for married couples to sleep in their parent’s house?” — Woman asks because her BF wants to do that after they get married

SINGAPORE: A woman recently took to social media to ask Singaporeans if it’s “a norm for married couples to go back to their parent’s house to sleep.”

In her post on r/askSingapore, she explained: “Had a convo with my bf earlier and we were talking about our future together. For him, his married siblings has the habit of going back to sleep at his parent’s place about 1-2 times a week, and he has the same mindset after we get married.”

Finding this sleeping arrangement peculiar, she asked others, “Just wondering if this is really normal for married couples in Singapore? To not spend the end of the day together back at your own house?”

“I have not really told him how I feel about this, just trying to get some consensus here first.”

“Different people have different views”

In the comments section, the Redditors expressed that while this was not a norm in Singapore, they wouldn’t hold it against their partners if they spent a few nights at their parent’s house a week.

They understood that this habit likely arises from their strong attachment to family and occasional feelings of missing them. They also emphasized that they would never want to create any rift between their partner and their family.

Additionally, some pointed out another factor at play: convenience. For instance, one Redditor mentioned that their spouse chose to stay at their parent’s house a few days a week because it was closer to their workplace.

From the point of view of those who adopt this arrangement, they stated that they only do this as they recognize that their parents might not have much time left in the world, and so they sleep at their house a few times a week to lighten up their mood, and to avoid having regrets later on.

One Redditor shared, “Different people have different views. When we first moved into our new BTO, I still went back to sleepover at my parent’s place every week cause I really miss them.

After that I still visit at least once a week, and I still stayover once a while cause wanna spend time with family.

For me and my S/O we value our family a lot so we would go back and sleepover when we can. When our parents eventually leave the world we wouldn’t want to regret not spending enough time with them.”

Another commented, “Different people have different connections to their family, and if it’s a pleasant one, I don’t see why it is not worth keeping. Life is short, eventually everything comes to an end.

What matters most is doing things that make you happy instead of adhering to social norms.”

Meanwhile, others addressed the fact that the woman is slightly troubled by her boyfriend’s plans and encouraged her to discuss this with him.

They also pointed out that this could be a positive thing for her, as she will have some time ‘for herself’ and do the things she likes.

One Redditor added, “That seems great? A bit of space for each person to do what they please – the bf spends quality time with family and OP can spend quality time doing what they enjoy. Sounds to me like everyone wins in this scenario.

Also assuming OP has a good relationship with the parents she can go over too sometimes.”

“If my partner demands/expects this, I would be uncomfortable”

On the flip side, a few others commented that the sleeping arrangement seemed unusual and hinted that her boyfriend might be excessively close to his mother, referring to him as a “mama’s boy.”

Some also argued that the main purpose of moving out and living with a partner is to gain independence from one’s parents and become self-sufficient. Thus, they felt that this sleeping arrangement clashed with this idea.

One Redditor said, “It’s not normal. If my partner demands/expects this, I would be uncomfortable because I would effectively be forced to visit his parents 1-2 times a week. Which, to me, is too much.”

Another commented, “It is not normal. Your bf still has a “child of my parents” mentality. It may be a values clash. I understand filial piety. This is not filial piety.”

Read also: Girlfriend says, “My bf is a mama’s boy and I don’t know what to do about it”